Acceptable topics of conversation at Thanksgiving:
1. The weather.
2. Amy’s new shoes.
3. The awesomeness of John Lennon and Freddie Mercury (but only if Amy has had less than three drinks).
4. The parade.
Taboo Topics for Thanksgiving Dinner
1. Your last doctor’s appointment (some of us will be eating, you know).I also welcome suggestions for additions. Please post your recommendations in the comments below. Thank you.
2. Any stories related to having your tires rotated (Dad — thanks, but we’ve got these memorized).
3. School grades. Anyone caught bragging about his or her grades will be publicly forced to eat the gizzards.
4. People who have not set the house on fire are not allowed to discuss the times those of us did so. However, people who have set the house on fire may discuss their respective events with one another at their own discretion.
5. Lucky Charms. Some of us were emotionally scarred by this cereal as a child.
6. The awesomeness of John Lennon and Freddie Mercury (but only if Amy has had more than three drinks — because then she’ll cry that they’re gone and nobody wants to deal with a weeping drunk sobbing face down in her mashed potatoes).